The New Joker Thread!

[Blu-Bliss]

.....ok sorry......not this kind of joker!


This thread is for the joker in you. All jokes, funny pics, funny quotes are welcomed!!



Please try to keep the explicit content to a minimum!!
All other joke threads I've seen here end up locked because of it.

NO Sexism! No Racism! No pornoism!


Just have fun!

Let me start:



My Chemical Romance Jokes

>The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Gerard Way has been there, then its soaked with tears and blood.

>Gerard Way has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.

>Gerard Way doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

>Mikey Way is like a Tsunami, if you can see him coming it's already too late.

>When God said, "Let there be light", Gerard Way said, "say please."

Keep 'em coming!!

[CochiseGuy]

The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil ....You don't even have to be Catholic to appreciate this one.

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?' When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty!' shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class..

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?' But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. 'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?' Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted.

[Blu-Bliss]

[zaphod]

Apologies if these are well known already....







From the German version of How to be a Millionnaire:


Translation: 'Question: What's George W. Bush's first name?' (Seriously!) Well she used up two jokers on that poser, and you can see what she went for...



Translation: 'Honey, I finally found the floppy disk you were looking for!'



Man of the Year.

[Blu-Bliss]

******FIRST OFF THIS IS NOT FOR THE WEEK AT HEART OF FOR THOSE WHO GET DEPRESSION AND DO NOT LIKE HEARING ABOUT SADNESS AND DEATH*******




Alright throught most if not all of my life I have always suffered from severe clinical depression and here is a story telling u some of my worst times I've almost, yes I'll tell u , killed myself. Some of you may find these disturbing. Some of you may even find these inspirational. Well whatever..here goes my darkness:



Well I think I may have been 10 when this happened but here is the story. I woke up late on a rainy day to find that everyone in my house was gone. No note was left or anything, just me alone by myself. I remmeber walking outside and just walking around the block in the rain. Getting soaking wet and just walking and looking into the sky Wondering why I was even still here. Do I really deserve to be here? Well there has to be a better place somehere out there. Somehwere....where I can experience the feeling of "Happy." So I got home and just sat around all day and planned it out. I planned out my perfect plan. My plan for my escape route. That day was the day I have been waiting for my entire life for this plan. For this simply perfect day. So that night I was ready. I had made the noose and This was it. The momet I planned for. Alright so it was late and everyone was asleep. My time to shine. So I decided before I ended myself I wanted to listen to some MCR. So I put on "Early Sunsets over Monroeville." I have no clue why but by the time I got to the middle of the song I completly broke down. I started crying so hard. I was just wondering what made me stop. And I don't know why but after I cried I didnt want to die Just yet. Not yet.....


STAY TUNED FOR PART 2

[junglalien]

[Blu-Bliss]

[Blu-Bliss]

When Chuck Norris does push-ups

[Blu-Bliss]

[nelll]

Spoiler Below

...............After 20 years of sex in the dark a wife finds out her husband always used a dildo on her, she says:

"Explain the dildo fool", he said, "Explain the kids bitch"

[Blu-Bliss]

Hilarious^^

[Blu-Bliss]

[Blu-Bliss]

[Blu-Bliss]

Spoiler Below

Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried
to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with
friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get
Johnny to occupy himself...television, ice cream, homework,
video games...but the youngster insisted on running back and
forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.

The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to
quit the game and all go home. At this point, the boy's uncle
stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the
room. The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without
Johnny, and without comment the game resumed.

For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be
seen and the card players continued without any further
interruptions.

After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle,
"What in the world did you say to Johnny? I haven't heard a
peep from him all day!"

"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I just showed him how to
masturbate."

[Blu-Bliss]

A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash.
She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rolls
around, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. The
drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of
vomit, and slurs, "I don't remember eating that!"